A local congregation of about 300-600 is called a ward. Typically a ward's boundaries are by geographic location, so usually people in the same neighborhood or close area would be in the same ward. Several wards make up a stake (also geographic, but covering a much larger area, usually a section of a city.) I believe our stake has 9 wards. That's several thousand people. The leaders of the stake are called by the leaders of the church, and twice a year, we gather as a stake, and receive counsel from them as well as those they ask to speak.
I was asked to speak about faith in adversity. WHAT A TOPIC. I was also given 7 -8 minutes. If you know me, you know what a daunting task that is. I am not a person of few words. (Clearly...look at my posts.) I love words. I love to explain things. I love symbolism and description. So I really had to choose those things which would be most important to say. I know there aren't a lot of people who are still following my blog (I can check the numbers to see how many times each of my posts are viewed. The first one was viewed more than 300 times. The most recent one is at about 30.) And I'm OK with that, no offense taken. This blog is as much for me and my children as it is for anyone else who cares to share in it. For those who have the desire to keep reading all I have to say (lots of words...I know), I thought I'd share. I felt like it was a big responsibility. God chooses his leaders, and his leaders prayed about who to speak, and asked me. I prayed about what to say. I went to the temple (a special building dedicated to God) and sat and thought about what I needed to say, what I have learned, and what people needed to hear to help them learn. This is the final draft:
This year has been one of the most memorable years of my life. Early in the year, I felt impressed that it
was time for us to have another baby, our fifth child. It was a leap of faith, but we took it. Our little boy was born this summer on July
25th, 2 1/2 months early. His
hands and feet were so tiny, he had so much hair for a 28 week old, and he was
beautiful. The reason he had been born
so early was that doctors had detected some problems with his development, and
hoped by taking him early, they may be able to save his life. We knew he would have a tough fight ahead of
him, and that he would need to be a warrior, whether in this life, or whether
he was sent home to live with our Heavenly Father. So we named our little warrior Gideon.
We prayed for a miracle. Our
names were on many prayer rolls, our family fasted for us, we fasted for our
baby. I had a priesthood blessing before
he was born. Gideon was given a blessing
when he was 4 days old. I waited for him
to be promised that he would be healed.
He was not.
The next day, Scott gave him a name and a blessing, as we knew he
would probably not live long. He was
promised that “he had touched hearts and lives and would continue to do
so.” He was told that “your life, though
short, has no less meaning.” I
cried.
He died in my arms the next day.
My speaking to you today is one way that his priesthood blessing is
being fulfilled. I hope that the spirit
will fill our hearts, and help us all learn, so that Gideon’s life can continue
to bless others.
Our Heavenly Father is a master creator. Take a look around at the amazing world we
live in. He has an amazing plan for each
of us, we are each to become a masterpiece.
Like a piece of artwork in the making, it may not be perfectly clear
what the end result will be, but because God is shaping it, we know it will be
good.
Trusting in that plan is hard sometimes. My life has changed forever. I do not see things the same way
anymore. In some ways, things have come
into a clearer focus. In other ways, I
am often confused by the emotions that I feel that seep into everything I
do. This hurts, a lot. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. Turning to the Lord more often has helped me
so much. I treasure words of scripture,
my temple covenants, and Heavenly Father’s plan so much more. I am more grateful now for the gift of the
resurrection than I ever have been before.
My relationship with my family members has become even more of a
precious treasure to me. Even though I
don’t know why this has happened, I do trust that it is part of God’s plan for
me, to help shape me into who he wants me to be.
Many people have said to us: “You are so strong, to be dealing with
this” I don’t think that’s really true.
We freely admit that we need the Savior’s help, we happily own up to the
fact that we are too weak to do this without him. Too often in the storms of life, we decide to
just try and deal with things by ourselves, and we let the waves and winds give
us a pounding. I am guilty of this
too. We don’t ask our Savior for help so
that he can calm the storm. One thing I am
learning is that I can’t ask him to calm the storm just once and never have
another storm pop up. Right now, doubts
and sadness are something I have to deal with frequently, but I can choose to
seek His help and doubt my doubts, or I can let the storm beat me up.
Everyone is given hard trials in their lives. We are all different, and our trials are
likewise all different. I can’t tell you exactly what will help you with
the trials in your life. Thankfully, I
don’t have to. Whatever it is you need,
God knows. He wants to help you become
something amazing, if you will let him.
When we seek his spirit, he will help our weaknesses become
strengths. He will help our strengths
become stronger.
We will find what we are looking for.
Reasons why life is unfair are all around us, they ache in our hearts,
they frustrate our lives. Satan makes
them easy for us to find. He still hopes
to take away our agency from us, and if he can wrap us in despair, he can make
it easy to stop choosing, to stop living, to stop being happy, which is the
object and design of our existence.
If we are looking, though, we
can also see reasons why we are being given more than our “fair share” of
blessings. Heavenly Father blesses our
lives abundantly, but we sometimes fail to recognize it because we get caught
up in our aches and pains and frustrations.
Because of my need for strength, I am trying to do better at looking for
His hand in my life, and I am finding it.
In the last few weeks, I have felt His spirit and the Holy Ghost
comfort me many times. I have used
talents and gifts that Heavenly Father gave me during times when I am feeling
sad. My spirit has been touched by the
words of scriptures, uplifting songs, words of apostles, and words of comfort
and inspiration given to me by friends and family members who have followed
promptings to reach out to us. I could
honestly spend hours telling you about the times my heart has been touched in
the last few months, and the ways I have been helped. I have already spent hours writing about many
of them, so that our family will remember forever, and so others can share in
this journey.
My spirit has become more sensitive in these last few months, and many
things make me cry. Sometimes, it is the
power of truth, sometimes it is a longing that won’t leave, sometimes I just
feel overwhelmed. Briefly, I will share
a few of the words and pieces of songs which have deeply touched my heart:
“Families CAN be together forever.”
Phillipians 4:13 “I can do all things, through Christ, which
strengtheneth me.” From David A. Bednar “It was the load that
provided the traction.” From Dieter F.
Uchtdorf “those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the
goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and
understanding.” “My life is a gift, my
life has a plan, my life has a purpose, in heaven it began.”
Gideon’s life was a gift. It
had a plan. My life has a purpose, and
Heavenly Father wants to help me accomplish it.
“I Stand All Amazed at the love Jesus offers me.” Because of him, the prayers of so many will
be answered. We all prayed for Gideon to
live, and he will. I will be resurrected
and my Gideon will be resurrected, and I will get to raise him. My spirit burns with the truth of these
things.
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