Contagious!!

The last week has been a particularly trying one, not having so much to do with the loss of our Gideon as just life as a parent.  Hyrum got pinworms (diagnosed on Tuesday) , and then our James got strep on Saturday.  My life has become a whirlwind of trying to eliminate all potential germs/eggs.   I am not one to be OCD, but everything looks like germs to me lately.

Yes, those ARE Yo-Yos posing as germs....

I have bleached my kitchen multiple times (floor, counter, sink, cupboards, insides of drawers we use regularly), I have washed sheets, blankets, cleaned out the children's drawers and washed EVERYTHING in hot, often with some bleach.  I have dumped entire bins of blocks/toys into a bathtub of bleach water to try and eliminate germs/eggs.  I have missed classes so that I could keep our contagiousness home and try to get rid of it.

Scott and I talked about how nice it would be to have an "exempt card" once you have been through a rough, soul-shaking trial, where for a few months nothing bad could happen to you.  Sadly, life doesn't work that way.  We also wondered what we could learn from this, feeling now more than ever that there is a purpose to all we do.

So here are some of the things I have learned this week, from pinworms and strep, and particularly from being contagious.

First, I have to recite this awesome quote that I have loved for a very long time.  It's pretty much the theme for this entire post, so pay attention!

"Your attitude is contagious, is it worth catching?"

I have thought a lot about this, especially as our family has been highly contagious.  I have wished that positive attitudes and strong faith could be as contagious as pinworms.  Drop a few little hints at happiness, a few smiles, a hug, a sweet act of kindness, and even days later the effects could be felt, and truly, even felt stronger than when they initially started.  Wouldn't that be great?

And then I have thought about people who have touched my life in small ways, who were able to deeply affect my happiness, and who continue to influence me, even just in my memory.  My grandpa Kidd was a sweet man, very playful, such a tease.  I loved the way he said "Dad gummit" when he was frustrated.  (Perhaps he said worse things than that when his grandchildren weren't around, but that's what I remember.) I loved his hugs.  I haven't seen my Grandfather in 17 years, but his love and playful attitude have been something I cherish and foster in my life.  They were as contagious as pinworms.

Sometimes it has been the other way too.  People who have done or said unkind things, who have judged me wrongly in ways that hurt, as much as I try to just forget those types of things, they just don't go away.  Those too have been as contagious as pinworms.  Weeks, months, years later, the effects are still there, the feelings can still be hurt anew.  No amount of "bleaching", "cleaning", or "washing" can undo those things. (Yet...)

I don't know if we all realize how contagious we are.  Every day, the things you do may not only affect someone's life that day, but every day after this one.  An act of kindness, a smile, spending time with someone, giving a word of caution, it could save a life.  It could damage one.

To prevent spreading our negative contagiousness, I have made my children bath and wash A LOT.  All our  hands are pretty dry, and we are working on treating that too.  We are not only trying to keep the negativity from leaving our own bubble, but we are working on eradicating it IN our bubble.  Thinking about how contagious our attitudes are, I have concluded that the world would be an infinitely more enjoyable place if everyone decided to isolate and then eliminate negativity from the inside.  That includes me, I definitely have moments where I need to stop, wash the negativity off of myself before I go anywhere, and then work on getting it out of my heart.

Negativity (and pinworms) hide really well.  Nobody knew that we had them (until I posted it on facebook, which I did out of consideration for those who may have had any contact with us), even we didn't, until I saw them.  Pinworms and negativity are often both a slow, subtle progression, sometimes with no symptoms happening for a while.  I have become a very diligent cleaner, even though I am not a fan of cleaning.  I don't want these to be a part of our life, I want them out.

Negativity can do that too.  It's easy to hold on to anger, to frustration, to bad experiences.  Sometimes I think we even store them up so that we have "weapons" in our arsenal to use against other people.  In thinking about "what can I learn from pinworms", and my epiphany about being so very contagious, I feel that I need to be much more diligent about cleaning out my arsenal, because it gets pretty heavy to carry that stuff around all the time, and it just messes you up.

Sometimes, like strep, there are alarming symptoms that spring up out of the blue.  James was running around and playing in the morning, and by the mid afternoon, was complaining of being cold and a sore throat, and then a headache, and then he got a fever, and he didn't have any energy.  Unfortunately, he seems to get strep a lot, so I am getting pretty good at recognizing his symptoms, and they are often that way, he's playing and having fun and I have no idea that by the end of the day he will feel like death.  I think negativity can do that too.  Sometimes it doesn't build up slowly, sometimes it just comes on fast and hard and ugly and wipes us out, and if we aren't being careful to treat it and stay away from people, we have the potential to spread an awful lot of "nasty" all around.

On a positive note, in my crazy busy life, I have had more time at home with my kids, since we were trying to keep our "yuck" to ourselves.  I have loved the time with my family, even if some of it was spent bleaching my house and doing 38,241 loads of laundry.  (OK...that's probably an exaggeration, but it has felt like a never ending battle with daily sheet/blanket washing, towel replacing, and the cleaning out of entire sets of drawers/closets.)  The extra does make me look at the pictures on the wall more and miss my baby.  Time spent with my children does that now, it carries with it a taste of sadness that was never there before.  It also helps me to be grateful for their lives, for the things they say and do.  I am more inclined to laugh now than I was before at the silly things they have a fit over (Mom, that's a flowery pillowcase, and I'm a boy.)  I am getting better at not sweating the small stuff, and focusing on the bigger picture. (That being said, hand washing is no longer considered the small stuff, though.  That is a SERIOUS VIOLATION!!)

Pinworms and strep this week have made me realize that I am on a quest not only to rid my house of germs, but of fault finding, backbiting, guilt, anger, jealousy, dishonesty, and bitterness, and instead to fill it with laughter, trust, happiness, truth, peace, confidence (but not overconfidence), and love.  Just like bleaching my entire house, vacuuming and scrubbing floors, cleaning out closets and drawers, and washing all of everything and anything, that is a huge task.  Insurmountable, really.  But unlike cleaning my house and all it entails, which I am trying to do by myself so as not to spread germs to other people, I don't have to do the healing of my household by myself.

 I don't have to be the do all, catch all, be all peace maker, confidence instiller, love giver, honesty detector.  I can involve my Savior.  He makes it possible for me to one day be able to eventually get over those things that still bring hurt to my heart.  And I look forward to that time with my whole heart.  I look forward to that complete healing, but I also am grateful for the healing power that I can experience now, for the comfort I feel from him, and for his power to eliminate negativity, not only in my life but in the lives of those I might accidentally hurt.  What a super hero.  I am so grateful for his help in my life.

Today, I am grateful for the lessons I am learning, and for Jesus and his love and healing power in my life, but I still think an exempt card would be nice.