Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: things I'm learning

It has been a year since we buried Gideon.  There were so many moments on the day of his funeral that I can't even describe in words: I remember how very hard it was to help them close and seal the casket lid, feeling like I was sealing off and shutting down a piece of my heart that wouldn't really ever die.  I remember laughing through all the pain when my (then 3 year old) son said "This is the best day ever" because we were able to ride in a limo and feeling grateful for his innocence and presence.  I will never forget feeling grateful and overwhelmed with so much  love and support from so many friends and family members.  It was a wonderful and awful day.

Over the last few weeks, we've passed several milestones, his birthday, his "deathday", and now the anniversary for the day of his funeral, and I've thought about this journey that our family is on and what we've learned in the last year.  It's a little odd, but my thoughts have taken a direction I didn't really expect.

Our amazing and diverse world is so full of many different people.  I feel very blessed to have so many friends and family who feel very differently about many of the issues that are very "hot topics" and are quite contraversial nowadays.  I hope, and I think that all of those who I am friends with are able to see my opinion and respect why I might have them, even if mine differ from theirs.  It seems to me that being able to agree to disagree has become more important in my life over the last year.  I've thought a lot about why this is...it has taken some soul searching, and this is what I've discovered.

Time and relationships are precious, people and life are precious, and I see that with a clarity I didn't have before.  I do not believe that there are many disagreements in the world worth insulting another person, or that relationships should be severed because of differing opinions.  Based on what I see and experience, especially in the last year, I believe that the art of "agreeing to disagree" is dying.  People are going crazy insulting each other, threatening each other, and there is a huge lack of empathy or understanding which is becoming more and more prevalent.  It makes me sadder now than it ever did before, because I feel like we are casting aside the most important things: respect, life, relationships, people's rights to their opinions--and for what?  Why?

The point of this blog has been for me to find words to express my thoughts and feelings, to share with those who care enough to listen, and to help and inspire anyone else who may be on their own difficult journey.  I often feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings with the hope and desire that they will help someone somewhere.  I have usually tried to choose my words carefully, words are powerful.  In taking time to choose words, I have gained a new level of respect for the founding fathers of my country, who took time to write the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.  They were gifted with some amazing abilities with words, and over the last year, I have gained a new reverence and respect for the words they chose and the time and consideration that must have gone into these important documents.  While I believe many of the leaders pushing for independence in the U.S. were hot-headed, I also have a great deal of respect for the fire they carried that birthed the idea for a great nation.  My thoughts keep coming back to this statement, which I admire more than I know how to say: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

This statement, found in the Declaration of Independence is actually something that I think all liberals and conservatives agree upon.  Why do people feel the way they do about gay marriage?  Some feel strongly that the Creator knows best a plan for our happiness, and he set up marriage between man and woman, and it shouldn't be changed, because He knows best.  Some feel strongly that no matter one's sexual preference, they should have the right to pursue happiness and a life with whomever they choose.  But regardless, we believe that all men are created equal, and that they have rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Yes, I care who the president will be, and I would love it if everyone in our nation would feel similarly to me about what is best for the country, BUT the bottom line is: people who are voting care about our nation, and are choosing based on their interpretation of that statement.  AND once the president has been chosen, even if it wasn't "my candidate", I believe that they have now been selected as the leader of my country, and as such, they deserve respect, even if I don't agree with the way they want to do things.  Yes, I wish everyone agreed with my opinion about abortion, but we all don't, partly because different people feel like life begins at different points, but the bottom line is, no matter where people stand on that issue, they value life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Yes, I would love it if everyone would view gun control the same way as I do, but the bottom line is, most people feel the way they do because they value life.  Funny....we sit on different sides of the issues, but what we have in common is a desire to see life be better, we just have different ideas about the way it should happen.

As I have thought about my last year, I have felt that really, what would help everyone heal is more love and kindness and understanding in the world, more respect, even when people see things differently.  I am so much more bothered now by people's intolerance of each other than I ever was before my son was born and died.  I have no idea why his life and death brought this change to me, but my heart is more tender, and I realize that many other people may be experiencing tender and difficult moments in their lives too.  Everyone everywhere has horrible things happen to them, that's a sad part of life and the world, and as we are all going through hard things, we need to be kinder.  Really, "what the world needs now is love, sweet love.  It's the only thing that there's just too little of."

I am not naive enough to believe that the world is 100% full of people who have strong moral compasses, that 100% have clung to their ability to value life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but I do have enough faith and hope in the world to feel that perhaps 99.5% of us do.  Most of us still value the God given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but we're making choices and choosing sides based on our interpretation of those fundamental truths, and we shouldn't belittle or insult others whose interpretations and life experiences have led them to believe differently than we do.  I have friends who have seen a dear one shot, and consequently, they believe guns don't belong in people's hands.  I have friends who have had their homes broken into in the night, and they believe that guns in the right hands protect them from the guns in the wrong hands.  And I'm not going to belittle either of their experiences by telling them "You're wrong" or worse by calling them stupid or unintelligent.  They are my friends, I love them, I am grateful for the perspective that they lend to my life, and I believe they both want what they feel is best for the world, to give everyone the opportunity to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

To my own friends and family, if you want to remember and celebrate Gideon's life with me: be kinder, show more respect to others, understand that the people around you are seeking the same things as you are, but choosing a different way to do it.  Don't toss relationships aside because of differences in opinion.  Love your family and friends a little more, and criticize a little less.  Fill the world with love and understanding.  I don't know how Gideon taught me so much without ever being able to speak a word in such a short little life, but somehow all of these things have come into more focus in my life, and by sharing them, I can help his life make a bigger difference in the world.  As you go about your day, remember that mostly we all want the same things: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.