Easter thoughts

As I began to think about my feelings on Easter, and what to say and how to share them, I think my first thoughts were questioing and cynical. What can I say about the Savior that hasn't already been said? What can I say about Easter that hasn't already been said?

Do you ever sometimes feel like church, fasting, and life is just going through the motions? Does it ever feel repetitive and meaningless? Why do we do the same things over and over again?

I have fasted and prayed many times before, and each time it was a different experience with differing levels of the spirit present. I hoped that Friday's worldwide fast would be intensely spiritually uplifting, and physically not as taxing as it was. But I really struggled with it. Of the times I've attempted to fast, I feel like this was one of my weaker--my head hurt more, my body felt tireder, and I couldn't keep myself warm. I wanted to be filled with the spirit of hope, but largely I felt frustrated that I was struggling so much. How could I be fasting for a miracle for the world when my own body felt like it couldn't handle it? Was my fast good enough, even though I had to stop early? Is it good enough even if I wasn't able to spend as much time focusing on spiritual things because I was too busy taking care of day to day things? Was it Ok even though I had a really hard time with it?

In the last conference, Sister Joy D Jones shared a conversation that she and several children had with President Nelson in which he said:

"Of course it's hard. Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult. For example, when God wanted to give the Ten Commandments to Moses, where did He tell Moses to go? Up on top of a mountain, on the top of Mount Sinai. So Moses had to walk all the way up to the top of that mountain to get the Ten Commandments. Now, Heavenly Father could have said, 'Moses, you start there, and I'll start here, and I'll meet you halfway.' No, the Lord loves effort, because effort brings rewards that can't come without it. For example, did you ever take piano lessons? ...What happens if you don't practice?"

Pearl: “You forget.”

President Nelson then responded.

“Yes, you don’t progress, do you? So the answer is yes, Pearl. It takes effort, a lot of hard work, a lot of study, and there's never an end. That's good! That's good, because we're always progressing. Even in the next life we're making progress."

The Lord loves effort.  Did I make an effort?  Yes.  I am trying and that is what counts.  And I keep trying every day.  As Elder Holland pointed out in a talk in April 2016

"When there was a controversy in the early Church, regarding who was entitled to heaven's blessings and who wasn't, the Lord declared to the Prophet Joseph Smith, 'Verily I say unto you [the gifts of God] are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep...my commandments, and [for them] that seeketh so to do.'  Boy, aren't we all thankful for that added provision 'and...seeketh so to do'!  That has been a lifesaver because sometimes that is all we can offer!  We take some solace in the fact that if God were to reward only the perfectly faithful, He wouldn't have much of a distribution list."

On Friday, I was under the category “seeketh so to do”.  I tried hard to fast. That matters.

Going through the motions, whether it's fasting, going to seminary, reading the scriptures, saying our prayers, attending church, taking the sacrament, or any other host of repeated tasks we do to enrich our spirits could be likened to breathing. Just because I do it thousands of times a day, does it make it meaningless or unimportant? How about eating? Just because we eat every day, multiple times a day doesn't mean it doesn't count, and it doesn't mean we don't need the food.

In the example President Nelson gave, where the Lord commanded Moses to go up Mount Sinai, do you think after 1387 steps, Moses decided "I've been putting one foot in front of the other over and over again, and nothing has happened, so this really doesn't count.  Why am I even doing this?"  Maybe he did think that.  But still he kept stepping until he got to where the Lord needed him to be.

Well, what does this all have to do with Easter? Easter is a celebration of Christ overcoming death and sin. He felt every pain. We learn in Mosiah 3:7 that His experience was so difficult and painful that if a mere mortal would have had to endure it, they'd have died. The Come Follow Me manual suggests two questions: Why did He suffer? and What does it mean for me?

When man fell, we lost our ability to be in God's presence. Our bodies are mortal, our flesh is weak and we struggle to keep up with its demands, needs, and desires. As evidenced simply by fasting, it takes a lot of effort just to stay alive. And sometimes we feed the wrong desires or passions and we make mistakes, and we grow further away from God. On our own, there simply was no way for us to return and overcome.

Christ didn't just build a bridge so we could get back to Heavenly Father, He IS the bridge back to Heavenly Father.  He suffered so He could become that bridge.  And that means now I have a way back home.  He also suffered so that He could understand all of us, so He would know how to comfort us, inspire us, and help us keep going on our long journey to our own personal Mount Sinai, as we try to get to where the Lord wants us to be.

Is it hard to get to where we are supposed to go?  Yes.  Are we going to endure tragedy?  Obviously, yes.  Spencer W. Kimball in his talk "Tragedy or Destiny" said 

"Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might beexcluding our greatest friends and benefactors.  Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery.

If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity.  But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective."

Even though I am not a big fan of this pandemic, I think it has begun to make saints of people.  And although I fasted for relief from Covid 19 and that life will return to normal, I suspect that we still have many steps on our journey before it's over.  But Christ felt all this pain.  And He overcame death, so all this death and dying is not the end.  All these people have left mortality, but because of Christ, they will rise again in perfect, healthy bodies.

I've mentioned before that I've been very afraid since the beginning of the pandemic.  I don't want to have to bury any more family members.  The longer this goes on, the more likely it seems that this very thing may happen.  It scares me still, but I keep being reminded that death is not the end.  It hurt so badly to bury Gideon.  It still hurts to know that he's not here, that I don't know what his favorite children's book is or what his favorite food would be.  But I  feel beautiful joy knowing that I will get to know him and spend time with him when he is resurrected.  And he will be resurrected, we all will be, because of the Savior.

Over and over again, we are told to "remember".  It is in the sacrament prayers.  We are to always remember Him.  It's easy to go through the motions and forget why we do them.  Easter is an especially good time to stop and truly remember Him and appreciate Him.  Just because the truth of His redemption and resurrection has been discussed before doesn't make it any less true, and it doesn't make it any less important.  Just like this breath is no less important than the one I took 10 seconds ago, or the one I'll take 10 seconds from now.  Continuing to breathe (mundane as it may be, repetetive as it may be) is pretty important.  Continuing to do the things that allow the atonement to work in our lives is also important, and part of that work is done as we choose to remember Him, over and over again, just like breathing.  And as we put forth our efforts, even if they're less than perfect or don't turn out how we hope.  The Lord loves effort and He loves us, and we need to remember that.