So, we had an earthquake this last week. It was a 5.7 magnitude, with the epicenter about 35 miles south of my home. It lasted for probably 10-15 seconds, and I woke up to both the feeling and the sound of my home shaking. I could hear pictures banging against the walls, hear the washing machine thumping a little bit as the ground rattled, and I could feel that the bed and house were definitely shaking. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, (not even closer to the epicenter) and our home has no damage. The foundation must be good, and the earthquake was not too severe. People were already buying in a panic because of being nervous about Covid 19 and hoping to be prepared to go into lockdown if necessary. After the earthquake, though, people realized that there is a whole different level of preparedness that they may want to have in place, and panic buying happened again, but with some different supplies and plans. Emergency bags, in case you had to leave quickly. Cars full of gas, and maybe even some gasoline storage. People thought of different things like: are my shelves secured so that things won’t fall off of them or they won’t tip over? Those types of things aren’t the same as what you’d need for an outbreak of a virus. And being prepared for a fire wouldn’t be the same as being prepared for an earthquake. It made me very aware that there are multiple layers and levels of preparedness, and I may not be ready in all areas, and I feel like it’s something that I need to work on.
These last two weeks have been a little bit of an earthquake on my faith. I feel kind of shaken up and confused. I firmly believe in God, I know that He is real and that He is aware of me and all of His children. I feel comfort when I read HIs words and when I listen to the voice of His servants. But I have definitely felt overwhelmed by fear and worry many times. After losing Gideon, I have become ultra afraid to lose another member of my family. It’s a pain I don’t want to have to experience more than once. Since his death, the nightmares I have where I lose another child are much more jarring and painful, and since Covid 19 and then an Earthquake, I have felt quite a sense of foreboding. It has affected my ability to sleep well, and has affected my confidence in God’s plan for me.
But the Lord is still reaching out to me, if I look for it and pay attention, and thankfully I have learned to pay attention for his nudges and to his nudges. One way that he reached out to me is through the message that President Nelson gave a few weeks ago. https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/president-nelson-message-covid-19
I felt so much sincerity and love and inspiration as I watched and listened to this. I truly feel so grateful to have a prophet, and I felt loved by that prophet as I watched that message. Looking into his eyes, I can feel the spirit and the truth as he testifies that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us and love us for certain. And as he talks about optimism for the future, my worries calm down and my hope and faith begin to take center stage and crowd out the despair.
Another way I felt the Lord reaching out to me is through music. As I worried and struggled to focus my trust and faith, I’ve begun praying and asking the Lord for help. I believe He inspired me over the last few years as I sought to write a few hymns which I submitted to the church. Whether or not they end up becoming a part of the hymnbook we sing from regularly, the Lord inspired me with those songs, and perhaps for my own good. This week, one of the hymns that I wrote keeps popping into my mind, and has brought me comfort and reminded me of a few things. The first verse says:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart. Be not wise in thine own eyes. He will direct thee, don’t depart. Ask the Lord, He will advise.
I realized as I keep humming and thinking of these lines that I have not been trusting the Lord with all my heart. I’ve been trusting Him with part of my heart, but not all of it. I know that He is able to make amazing things happen in the middle of extreme trials. I have seen great things come out of pain. I have seen faith and perspective grow from loss. I have learned so much as I let him lead my life. And as I have resigned myself to trust him, I feel happier and more whole.
I’ve also felt inspired to look for the positive and for the good things. I’ve felt inspired to try to share light and goodness with others in whatever way I can. D&C 98:1 says “Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks.” I believe looking for ways to rejoice and give thanks will help me not to fear.
Thankfully, I have a firm spiritual foundation, and so I don’t think there will be any permanent damage from the spiritual earthquake I have had. Earthquakes of faith will happen sometime, and so it is good to be ready. It’s a kind of preparation that is very different than preparing for a physical earthquake or a fire or a viral outbreak. Two things that I think have helped me to be ready for an earthquake of faith are: 1. Gaining a testimony that I am a child of God. When I remember that relationship, it makes everything else easier. A part of how I gained that testimony is through learning to pray and feel that the Lord is listening. That means I can’t rush through a prayer and move on. It means I stop to feel, to wait as I pray. It means I open up my heart as I open up my mouth. And when I do this and I feel a sense of His love, or when I do this and I get an answer, my testimony that I am His child grows deeper. Number 2: Learn to feel and recognize the spirit. This is how most of the answers to prayers come. It is how most comfort comes. And it’s how we nourish our faith, and keep it alive and growing. We need daily nourishment in our bodies, and in our preparations for disease outbreaks or fleeing an earthquake, we plan for food and water needs. We need daily spiritual nourishment as well, which I’m pretty sure is why the Lord asks us to read our scriptures and pray each day. This is something I could do better about, but I have more good days than bad ones.
Even with the reminder from the prophet, with feeling His love, with feeling inspired to trust the Lord with my whole heart and the comfort that came from knowing that He is trying to comfort me and reach me, I am still having aftershocks. It is a scary time, and I’m sure the aftershocks will continue. But I will continue to prepare for whatever spiritual earthquakes and aftershocks might try to rock my world.
I’m kind of bummed that my family is not going to get to take the trip to Arches over spring break. We went a few years ago, and I really wanted to have time to show some of the younger kids who don’t or can’t remember it. Hopefully once things die down with this virus, we’ll still get that opportunity. As I’ve thought about cancelling our trip, though, I remember thinking a little bit about how I felt one of the first times we have drove down there. Much of Utah is a barren desert. And it seems like you drive for hours (It’s about a 4 and a half hour drive total) and nothing changes and you’re going nowhere. The scenery isn’t very exciting and without a certain knowledge of the road I should be on and the direction I should be travelling, I wouldn’t have been very excited about the trip. I may have doubted that I was going the right way, or even that anything cool could possibly be at the end of such a journey. But once I got there and saw it and experienced the awe and joy of the amazing place, I definitely was glad that I trusted the road and the directions.
I feel like this journey through a viral outbreak (and really through life) might be like that. There’s a lot of desert. A lot of uncertainty. A lot of wondering when we’ll get there. But if we stay on the covenant path and trust in the road and that the destination is going to be awesome, we’ll be glad that we did.
Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea I will help the; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
As a mom, I hope we are prepared for whatever may happen in our home and in our family. I hope each of my children will prepare spiritually for the earthquakes that will rock their testimony and test their foundations. I hope we will be prepared physically for the trials that lie ahead of us, whether it be earthquakes or sickness.
I’m kind of bummed that my family is not going to get to take the trip to Arches over spring break. We went a few years ago, and I really wanted to have time to show some of the younger kids who don’t or can’t remember it. Hopefully once things die down with this virus, we’ll still get that opportunity. As I’ve thought about cancelling our trip, though, I remember thinking a little bit about how I felt one of the first times we have drove down there. Much of Utah is a barren desert. And it seems like you drive for hours (It’s about a 4 and a half hour drive total) and nothing changes and you’re going nowhere. The scenery isn’t very exciting and without a certain knowledge of the road I should be on and the direction I should be travelling, I wouldn’t have been very excited about the trip. I may have doubted that I was going the right way, or even that anything cool could possibly be at the end of such a journey. But once I got there and saw it and experienced the awe and joy of the amazing place, I definitely was glad that I trusted the road and the directions.
I feel like this journey through a viral outbreak (and really through life) might be like that. There’s a lot of desert. A lot of uncertainty. A lot of wondering when we’ll get there. But if we stay on the covenant path and trust in the road and that the destination is going to be awesome, we’ll be glad that we did.
Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea I will help the; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
As a mom, I hope we are prepared for whatever may happen in our home and in our family. I hope each of my children will prepare spiritually for the earthquakes that will rock their testimony and test their foundations. I hope we will be prepared physically for the trials that lie ahead of us, whether it be earthquakes or sickness.
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