For the last few days, I've pondered what I could do and change in my life as we roll into a new year and a new decade. One thing that I definitely think I'm learning, but need to continue developing is the way I view many of the critical components of my life.
Having a big family is not without its share of responsibilities. It's often overwhelming and frequently frustrating, but there are also many moments where it's excessively exciting and fabulous fun. These moments all can even happen at once, as children are figuring out the world, want to be independent, they can say and do the darndest things. For example: during holiday baking, I decided to let my younger kids help me, I even let them crack the eggs...and there were some messy failures and they were worried I'd be angry, but I told them I knew what I was getting into when I let them take a chance at learning, and we talked about how they could've done it differently and we cleaned it up. It was fun and exciting and overwhelming and frustrating all at one time, but it was part of our learning journey.
I was wondering about ways to lighten my burdens, and I had an epiphany. Many of the things that I view as burdens are simultaneously blessings in my life too. My family. Paying bills. A job. Responsibilities I have in my church calling. Home responsibilities. Every single one of these things feels like a big burden, but each one of these things is also an immense blessing if I choose to look at it that way.
When I was pregnant with Gideon, I kind of thought he'd be my last baby. However I had a massive change in my heart when I learned that we were most likely going to lose him. For that one week, I treasured the time, not just with him but with all my children and my husband. Every minute I got to spend, each song I got to sing to him, each laugh I shared, the few snuggles I got to give, they were (and still are) a pearl of great price to me. My attitude about my kids shifted from focusing on them as an overwhelming burden to an overwhelming blessing. That is partly why, since Gideon passed away, we have had 2 more. I honestly don't know that we would have chosen to do so minus that metamorphosis. The change doesn't so much lie in how much time and effort it takes to raise them well, but in my viewing that time spent as a privilege rather than just a price to pay.
And this week, I've realized that I can re-balance my attitude about more things than just my children. My responsibilities in other areas of life can also be given a sense of wonder and gratitude and I can learn to value them as blessings, rather than burdens. I'm grateful to have a small part time job. I'm grateful for my husband's job, even when it's somewhat demanding. I'm grateful for this home. I'm grateful for enough clothing that I have to do so much laundry. I can even be grateful for the aches and pains I experience, because I've experienced healthy moments and will experience healthy moments again. Blessings, not burdens. That's the change I want to make in my life going forward.
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