I have been changed for good

Another theme song post?  You bet!!  There is a beautiful song from the musical "Wicked" called "For Good", which I fell in love with a few years ago.  My late sister in law, Amber, linked the music on her blog, which is beautiful and I still sometimes go back and read her testimony, and feel the growth she made through her battle with cancer, and the power of the love she felt for her family.  This song reminds me of her, and reminds me of the power we all have to make other people's lives better through our example.  Since then, I can't sing it, it makes me cry too much.  I love to sing, but this is one I may never be able to sing again, even more so now.  There are a ton of lines that I can't get through anymore, because they pull too strongly on my heart strings.  If you've never heard it, and aren't familiar with the lyrics, here's a link of the song performed by the original Broadway singers with the lyrics on screen so you can see exactly what's being sung.  For Good: Wicked Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth

Why today?  Well, last night as I prayed, my heart truly burned for the first time as I thanked God for sending Gideon into my life because of the changes it has made in me.  I meant it, and I really felt it, deep down.  I have known I would one day feel gratitude for the experience, but up until last night, I hadn't REALLY felt grateful for it.  I have seen my perspective shift, my faith grow.  Little things that are trivial and unimportant have become more obviously so.  My perspective has broadened, I see people more clearly.  The things that are most important have become much more focused in my life.  As I prayed last night, I realized that I am grateful for the changes in myself that have come because Gideon came into my life.  As I finished praying, some of the phrases from this song burst into my mind.  "I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."  "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."  "It well may be that we may never meet again in this lifetime...so much of me is made from what I learned from you, you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart."

I have listened to the song several times today, and the beginning struck me in a new and different way. Elphaba (one of the characters) sings about being limited, and how the other will have to go on for both of them.  Truthfully, I don't know whether it's Gideon that's limited because he currently doesn't have a physical body, or if it's me, because I am tied to mine.  Either way, we have work to do that we can each do, and I know that what I do here has been influenced by his life forever.  The priesthood blessing he was given when he was 5 days old still rings true.  "Your life, though short, has no less meaning."  At the time, I wondered how it would be possible that his tiny life would continue to make a difference.  Now, I know.

God knows what I need, he knew what I needed to grow into the person he wants me to become.  (Man, I must have a lot of rough edges to have needed this!!)  I still miss my baby, and it is hard for me to wonder what knowing him will be like, and wishing it could be right now.  I miss all those moments.  It still hurts a lot.  I am growing because of it, though, and am grateful for that growth and the happiness I am finding because of it.  I have been changed for good.