Love notes

A few weeks ago, I saw a Facebook post suggesting that beginning on February 1st, and going up through Valentine's Day, one should write a note to each of their children telling them what he or she loves about them.  I thought this would be a fabulous exercise for myself, helping my children to feel loved, and helping myself remember many of their best qualities, so I decided to go for it.  On day 1, after I had written and delivered everyone's notes to their doors, I thought of my Gideon.  I wanted a way to include him too, so I decided to write him tiny notes, and stick them to his picture.  He was, by far, the hardest, because sticking notes to his picture, instead of his door, was NOT what I ever wanted.  The first few days, I cried as I wished for the chance to put these on his door, to read them to him, and to know more about him, so I'd have more to say.  Looking at his picture daily, and searching for things I could say about how/why I love him when I only got to spend such a short time with him was very difficult, but it was also very therapeutic.  Many of the things I love about him are the changes he has brought into my life.  He helped strengthen my marriage, my faith, and my resolve to be a better person.  I love all those things about him.  

One of my most treasured memories is of singing to him with my other children.  All his vitals were constantly being monitored; his little lungs were very underdeveloped.  Consequently, he needed a very high concentration of oxygen to keep himself at the right amount of saturation.  Except when we sang to him, his O2 would peak, and they'd have to turn it down.  Something about music... I love that I have that memory.  And I love that there is a musical connection between us.

On the first few days, my kids were not really smitten with their love notes.  "What is this?" and weird looks were mostly how they were received.  After about 5 days, they started reminding me if the notes weren't put up by late afternoon.  When I told them that today was going to be the last day of notes, they were all shocked.  My 6 year old wants me to keep going "at least until the day after Thanksgiving"....I told him that we would run out of wall space.  I am grateful for this chance I got to dig deep inside myself, to pay attention and search for the gifts that each of my children have been blessed with, to really observe them and the way I feel about them, and to share it with them.  It took a long time to cut and write their notes, and I did miss one day (being completely honest and keeping it real for those who fall short like myself), but I'm so glad I took the time to reach out to each of my family members this way, even my husband and my son who isn't here to read the notes.  He'd be 2 and a half now and I know I'd love and enjoy him so much.

  My biggest hope for these love notes to my children and spouse was that they'd feel loved and special, and I think that it was a success.  My biggest hope for myself is that I'd be able to remember and put into words many of the different ways that each of these special people have blessed my life, and reasons I love them, and that it would enlarge my heart, and I think that worked too.  Happy Valentines Day, I hope everyone has the chance to feel loved and special today and every day, and also that everyone has the chance to notice, appreciate, and share those observations with the treasured ones in their lives.