The Christmas just after his death, I strongly suspected that I was pregnant again. I could have taken an early pregnancy test to find out, but I was already fairly certain that God and Gideon had teamed up to send me something that they knew would help bring healing to my heart, and a way for Gideon to send hugs from heaven. 2 days after Christmas, I knew for sure that we were expecting a baby. She has truly brought so much goodness and love into our home, and we appreciate her so much more after losing a baby. What a wonderful Christmas present our rainbow baby has been.
My heart still aches to hold my son, the holiday season is still one of the harder times of year because I want my family to all be together during the holidays, and I have yearned to be able to give to my Gideon like I can give to my other children. I have started crying right in the middle of Christmas shopping, because I wished I could buy presents for him. The only gifts I can possibly give him now are gifts that can't be bought.
I have thought a lot about these gifts that can't be bought lately: love, devotion, service, quality time, memories, health, family, forgiveness, life. I have been given a lot of gifts. Our energetic, hug-and-kiss-filled young daughter has helped us to give those gifts that we wanted to give so badly to the son we lost. We love sharing these gifts with her, and we love that she shares those same gifts with us. Last week, I had concluded that she was the best Christmas present I ever got.
Then I took it one step further. I thought about how much hope, joy, and love this baby has brought into our lives. And then I pondered the bigger picture; how much hope and love the baby Jesus brought, not only into the life of my family, but of all families and individuals everywhere. Because of Him, I have ALL the gifts that can't be bought, and I have the ability to share them with others. Because of Him, my Gideon will be resurrected and I will get to share all these amazing gifts with my son. Because of Him, forgiveness and mercy are possible, and not only do I get these gifts, but they are offered to ALL people, everywhere. What an awesome gift that is. It is no wonder that angels sang His praises. It is no wonder that when the angel declared it to the shepherds, he said that he brought "tidings of great joy". "Great joy" just isn't strong enough to express how much joy His life made possible. Death is NOT the end anymore, because of Him. He knows how to heal ALL our wounds, and He will heal them all one day. As much as I appreciate the love I feel for my children and my family and the amazing gift that my little daughter has been, Jesus Christ, my Savior, is the best gift that was ever given, because He makes all the other gifts possible.
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