I think August 1st will always be hard, but also that it will always be dear to my heart. Two years ago, Gideon went home, and we had to say goodbye. This day...I have some of the best and hardest memories. We wanted so badly to spend time with him, we wanted special moments with him, so our children (and we also) would have something to hold onto...some piece of knowing him and having him with us in our family. We had a 1 week birthday celebration for him. We had party hats and sang Happy Birthday to You, even though it was just his 1 week birthday. Music therapists came in and wrote a lullaby with us. We took pictures. The kids helped make him a blanket that he used that day. That lullaby and these pictures, and all those who helped make our time with him special by bringing in meals and helping clean our home...those mean so much to me, I can't even find words to express it. It was miraculous that we got a week, and I treasure that week, and in his honor, I try to remember to treasure all my time, especially time spent with people I love. I can look back now and see how much we've changed. My children (except Gideon) have grown so much. My soul has grown so much. Life is more dear, my children more precious, and my time is a treasure now that Gideon has touched our family.
The last few days have been chaos, as I've been going to and from girls camp and preparing to go on trek with youth in my congregation. It has felt like a fitting tribute, and I'm loving the time spent sharing my faith and hope in the chance to see Gideon again, and my gratitude for Jesus Christ for making it possible for families to be together, and for my sins to be forgiven, so I can be perfect like Him and like Gideon.
I sometimes feel like I am more broken, but I also sometimes feel like I am more whole because he joined my family. In the midst of the chaos, I can still miss Gideon. It sneaks up on me and surprises me, and I start crying right in the middle of laughing. When my kids came in for a group hug, I wish he was a part of it. When they're noisy and rambunctious, diving in to tickle me with Dad's help, I wish he was here with us. We love and miss our little boy so much. It's been 2 years since I've seen him alive. I wish I'd have held him a little longer during those moments I did get the chance to hold him, because they were so very limited. And I'm so grateful that I did get to hold him, sing to him, pray for him, and love him so deeply. I wish I'd told him a million times that I love him, but I think he knows.
The last few days have been chaos, as I've been going to and from girls camp and preparing to go on trek with youth in my congregation. It has felt like a fitting tribute, and I'm loving the time spent sharing my faith and hope in the chance to see Gideon again, and my gratitude for Jesus Christ for making it possible for families to be together, and for my sins to be forgiven, so I can be perfect like Him and like Gideon. 
I sometimes feel like I am more broken, but I also sometimes feel like I am more whole because he joined my family. In the midst of the chaos, I can still miss Gideon. It sneaks up on me and surprises me, and I start crying right in the middle of laughing. When my kids came in for a group hug, I wish he was a part of it. When they're noisy and rambunctious, diving in to tickle me with Dad's help, I wish he was here with us. We love and miss our little boy so much. It's been 2 years since I've seen him alive. I wish I'd have held him a little longer during those moments I did get the chance to hold him, because they were so very limited. And I'm so grateful that I did get to hold him, sing to him, pray for him, and love him so deeply. I wish I'd told him a million times that I love him, but I think he knows.
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