Two roads diverged...and my life now

Yesterday, as I was going through our poetry unit with Ethan, we had a discussion about Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken", which caused me to stop and ponder.  Ethan didn't know what hit him as I had a good cry while we discussed choices and memories and looking back.

I'm pretty sure that if you are my friend, you have read this poem. BUT--for those of you who still want to be my friend and have not read it...it is here for your reading enjoyment, and for a broadening of your horizons, and a deepening of your soul. 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

I particularly thought about the moment when the doctors told us that Gideon's condition was most likely lethal, and when they asked if we wanted to permanently prevent having children in the future.  I had four healthy children, and the chances of us having another child with the same problems as Gideon were higher than other couples.  I considered it, I contemplated taking that road....  I looked at my two choices, down each road "as far as I could".  Both roads looked fair, but which path was the one I truly wanted?  I decided the road of "being done" was not the road I wanted to go down, even though it is a road MANY people would travel.  And it's NOT a bad road to travel, I am not judging anyone who would have chosen differently than I did.  For me, though, it was not the path I wanted to take.  We all have to follow different paths.  As Miriam celebrates one month, I think of the difference I am seeing in my life already.  I think of the weight I carried during pregnancy (and I'm not talking about the pounds/kilos), but the worry.  It was a hard pregnancy emotionally, and there were times I wondered if I had chosen the right path.  I knew that I had felt strongly about the path I chose, and I had to trust in those feelings as doubt and worry crept in.  Now I can see the way my children adore their sister, the way her presence encourages peace and happiness in our home.  It feels like it has been "ages and ages" and looking back, as hindsight lends depth to my ability to understand, I can understand why this road was the right road for me, and I'm grateful I trusted that feeling.  It is only one of many paths I have chosen when presented with "two roads" literally and figuratively.  When our family goes to visit National Parks, we carefully consider which hikes we'll take, how far we can go, and what we want to see.  We've seen and experienced so many glorious things, no matter which paths we choose, but I've rarely started a hike and regretted it.  (Only once that I can think of, every other time I've been so pleased at all I have seen and experienced.)  No matter which path, which hike, there are beautiful things to experience, and I'm grateful for the paths I have taken, even though sometimes I look back and wonder what the "other roads" may have led to.  My sister and I at Arches National Park 2013 Bryce Canyon National Park 2014 With National Parks, I know I can go back and do those other hikes another day.  With life, the decisions are permanent; there is no going back.  I feel confident, though, that the Lord is helping guide me down the path, and I know that if He's the one leading, the journey will end in an amazing destination.  I also feel confident that when He leads, I won't regret it. Life is good.  Today, I enjoyed the scent of baking cinnamon rolls as I also felt the crisp and cool cleanness of a sky fresh from rain, and I was so grateful for life, for the senses I have to experience life with.  I enjoyed snuggling my baby, I enjoyed reading to my 4 year old, and laughing with him.  I treasured the delight of my 7 year old as she discovered that the tooth fairy had come for her first tooth, and I enjoyed the expression on her 10 year old brother's face, as he tried not to spoil the secret for her.  My 12 year old is such a confident kid, and even though beginning an instrument has it's "ugly" sounds, as I listened to him practice today, I could absolutely hear the difference in his skills compared to a month ago.  I think he can hear it too, and is excited for his own growth and improvement.  I love watching my children experience life, and I particularly adore watching them enjoy their new sister, they are so eager to help and to hold her.  I--I took the one less traveled by, and it has made all the difference.