Our little warrior

We nicknamed Gideon "our little warrior" almost instantly.  He was named after several warriors in the scriptures, knowing he would have to fight for his life.  We also concluded that if he was not meant to stay here on earth with us, he was a valiant, spiritual warrior.

Let it be said that it will be very clear from this post that I believe in both an existence before this life and one after it.  If that is something that will make you uncomfortable, this post will probably be uncomfortable, and there is no pressure to continue reading.

I have reasons to believe that Gideon is my own special warrior.

Years ago, before I was married, before I had even met Scott, I lived in Alaska.  (Loved it, what a place!!) On Jan 1 2000, at the tender age of 18, I was injured very badly in a snowmobiling accident.  I was the passenger, we jumped a snowy embankment (going way too fast--I think the driver didn't see it with all the white) and I blacked out the instant we hit the embankment.  I regained consciousness face down in the snow, with the snowmobile on top of my legs.  We were probably at least 40 feet from where we initially hit, and I have no idea how I ended up under the machine.  The entire circumstances are somewhat miraculous--a few of my vertebrae were compressed in the accident, the doctors told me that had they been compressed by a single degree more, I'd have been paralyzed from the waist down.  How did the machine land on my legs--on my cushy calf muscles, so that they wouldn't snap the bones in half?  How did I fly so far one direction and the driver land so far in the other (she was at least 20 feet away from me and the snowmobile), I had to holler to find out if she was OK, because I didn't see her at first, she was not in close proximity.  With a prayer, she had enough strength to lift the snowmobile enough for me to get my legs out from underneath it.  (Before the prayer, my legs were aching fiercely and I asked her to try to move it, and she was unsuccessful.)  And at the closest cabin, there just happened to be an EMT from the Anchorage Fire Department, who was able to do an initial check on me, get me laying down, and go for help with the driver (who was uninjured other than a few scratches and a torn coat).  I was given a priesthood blessing where I was promised both a quick and full recovery (no small feat when it's a serious back injury).

I remember thinking about those moments, the miracles of that accident, and how later that day, I had a dawning realization that I was kept alive so that I could become a wife and mother.  God had something special for me to experience in life that I needed to stick around for.  I felt that my own children (I don't know how many of them) were there that day, making sure that I was "intact" so that I could one day do what I was called to do--to be their mother.

That same year, I was in several other accidents.  Earlier in the winter, I was in a car accident.  My car was totalled, the other car was fine.  The SAME day as the snowmobiling accident, on the way to the snowmobiling activity, in fact, we hit a patch of black ice, and spun out of control across the center lane (yes into the lane where oncoming traffic was).  Right in the middle of the spin, we suddenly switched directions, spun back off onto our own side of the road, and off the side.  We drove away unharmed, and the truck we were in was fine.  (Had to put it into 4WD to get off the side of the road, but we were fine.)  Later that spring, I was driving and hydroplaned and spun off the road.  I was fine, the vehicle ended up getting a flat tire from when I spun off the road, but that was it.  That year was a year of things that could have killed me, and for some reason, they didn't.  I suspected VERY strongly after that year that there were forces beyond my ability to see--some of which wanted me destroyed and others which hoped to keep me safe.

Before I had even taken a pregnancy test with Gideon's pregnancy, before I had any reason to suspect that I was expecting, I woke one night hearing a voice saying "Mommy, I'm coming."  I quite strongly suspected that I was pregnant, and that I was going to have a very special baby.  In some ways, it scared me more as we began to see the problems with his body, because I wondered if this baby wasn't just too special to stay here on earth--too good to be tried by the problems, sadnesses, and trials we all experience here.  (And indeed, he was.)  I wondered, when pregnant, if this special child with the ability to let me know he was on his way was also special enough to guard and watch over me in the moments when I was in danger.  I have felt like it is pretty likely he was present that day when I got in a snowmobile accident, keeping me safe.

His calling to be the guardian angel of our family seems to have been important enough that we only got the brief chance to meet him in this life, before he was called back.

Last Sunday, our oldest child was given a blessing ordaining him to become a Deacon in the Aaronic (preparatory) priesthood.  He will have responsibilities and expectations, as well as potentially having special spiritual blessings from living up to the responsibilities and expectations.  When Ethan was being ordained and receiving his blessing, I felt strongly that our guardian angel was there, that he came to experience this special moment in our family's growth.  It would have been a special moment for me anyway, but now it was an even more sacred moment--though I wish I had the opportunity to get to know Gideon better here and now, I am grateful that he is still part of our family, and that I could feel him there during that special moment.  He is still watching out for us.

If anything, this has strengthened my testimony that the people who have gone before us, and quite possibly also those who are waiting to come yet, care about us.  They want us to succeed, to do right, to be our best selves.  They can't interfere in everything--we have choices which have natural consequences, other people have choices which have consequences that will affect us, those things can not always be tampered with, but I believe that our "angels and warriors" help where they can.  I believe they pray for us, they hope for us, they want us to endure and to overcome weaknesses.  I believe they are there for us in the moments when we feel so alone (even Jesus was sent an angel to comfort him in some of his alone time in the Garden of Gethsemane).

I am grateful for the privilege of meeting at least one of my warriors, and for the privilege of knowing he is there to watch over our family.  I am grateful that our family was blessed to have the chance to meet him in person.