It is so easy to look around and see all that there is to do alongside all that needs to be done and then feel like I am drowning. I want the house to be even more clean than normal (which is impossible when crafting, cooking, or creating anything--which I ALSO want to do more of.)
I have 6 children, but people can only see 5. It doesn't really make the child who died any less real, but he's less visible. Because of that, I have been thinking a lot--for months, actually--about things that are not seen. Struggles that lie hidden underneath the surface, talents that remain dormant when unused, and some of the amazing spiritual or personality gifts that many people are given, but aren't really easy to see all the time. It's easy to see presents that are under the tree, but there are so many gifts that we forget to take time to appreciate.
I am grateful for the gift of life. I am more keenly aware of my ability to breathe after watching my child struggle for his last breaths. I share that gift every single day with many other people. For example, I keep my children alive by doing boring things like feeding them, and helping them learn to toilet train, and by giving them a home that feels safe and warm. (I also don't kill them when they're making me crazy. ) As moms, sometimes we don't give ourselves credit for being alive, or for keeping others alive, or for enriching other's lives. That is truly sharing a gift, and should not be discredited or discounted, even if the floors went unswept that day or the laundry ended up not folded.
The ability to sympathize is a two-edged-sword type gift. I am grateful that I am able to mourn with those that mourn, because it is what God wants me to do. Possessing that gift means that I cry more, I hurt more, and I want to help more than I would otherwise, which often adds to my feelings of being overwhelmed. Honestly, though, I wouldn't trade the gift away, because I know it has helped other people who really needed it. And having been the recipient of true giving in my own time of need, the gift of being sympathetic means that I am better able to pay that forward.
Being able to easily talk to people is a gift. The funny thing about that, is that there is a sister gift that is very different--which is the ability to truly listen to people. And not just chit-chat and small talk, but the real, deep talk when we are trying to figure things out in our lives. Our world seems to be gradually becoming void of people who nurture those gifts in themselves, which is why we now pay therapists and psychologists hundreds of dollars to listen and to talk to us about the things that really matter in our lives. (And also, I think why politicians are unable to discuss or listen when they need to figure out real solutions to big problems.) These are gifts too--not visible, but very much gifts.
So many talents are gifts. I have been very blessed with musical talents, and I try to share them freely (without showing off--because I don't think that helps anyone to feel special.) I have been very blessed by others who have shared their talents with me, whether it was sharing music, their ability to do makeup, sew clothing, make really great food, draw, paint, or take pictures. All talents are gifts worth sharing (and receiving and working on), but none can be wrapped or put under a tree. Except perhaps art. My sister in law made this beautiful sketch for me and gave it to me recently.
It is one of my favorite tangible gifts.
Similar to talents, the gift of creating is so incredible. As a mom, I have participated first hand in the creation of a human life, and that is something special. Moms on bedrest often feel like "they can't do anything", and don't give themselves enough credit for investing so much of their life in creation. Construction work isn't often considered to be a "glorious" profession, but creating homes and buildings is amazing!!
God has given so many gifts that can't be wrapped. Families. Love. Earth. Promptings of the Holy Ghost. Commandments and blessings. Prayer. The list could go on and on.
Time is a gift--it's limited for all of us, but we just never know how limited it is. Almost ANYONE that you ask wishes they spent more time with a loved one, especially once that person is gone. And moments are precious. Obviously each of us can't invest time in every single soul on the planet--that would be insane. However, we can make our interactions with each soul in our sphere of influence count. Whether it's driving considerately (because all of those people matter too), smiling at a stranger, sympathizing with a mom who has crying children at the store or the bank, holding the door for someone, or talking a little longer with someone who needs it, we all have so much time to spend on the people around us, and we might as well make the time count. We often don't think that strangers can have an effect on us, but it's not true. When I was a teenager, I remember once walking down the street and saying to a man "Hey, how are you?" And he responded "I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I can't complain." His response struck me and has stuck with me for all these years. It taught me so much, in a 15 second interaction. The time you spend everywhere will tick by whether we use it to share goodness or not, so make that gift count!!
The ability to love and be loved are such beautiful gifts, and even though they seem like they should be as natural as breathing, I really believe that different people are blessed with varying levels of ability in both of these areas. Some people have the ability to love anyone in whatever "love language" they speak, and others struggle to speak more than their own "love language." Some people truly struggle to feel genuine love (and often, as a result of mistreatment in their developing years, which is such a tragedy.) I think, far too often, I don't count time spent helping someone feel loved as "getting something done" or "giving a gift", when truly, there aren't many greater gifts.
So many times I've read the scripture "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13) and thought it was only talking about dying for someone. What if that's not the only thing it's talking about? What if it's talking about giving someone a part of your life? Your time? Your ability to love? Enriching their life? As a mom, I set aside many of my own personal goals each day in order to give each of my children the gifts that can't be seen. Isn't that one version of "laying down my life for my friends?"
To everyone caught in the same swirls of emotion and feeling overwhelmed as I have been: don't let the tangible things block your ability to see all the amazing gifts that you give every day. Don't let your hustle to buy a present or wrap a present get in the way of you giving someone a hug or a listening ear. Just because everything on your "to do" list didn't get done, don't beat yourself up if you were spending your time with people, trying to improve their lives. Don't discount those things that you do everyday--shuttling kids to and from appointments, making or buying food for your family, interacting with coworkers, creating buildings or homes or lives, listening to people--those count. They may not be on your "to do" list, or under your tree, but they are gifts that are beautiful and special, and should be recognized too. Happy Holidays to all my friends. (This includes Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends, Merry Christmas to my Christian friends, and Joyous Kwanzaa to all my friends of African descent.) And I hope all of you who read this take a few minutes to realize what an awesome gift each of you are, and the amazing gifts that you share every day.
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