There's always a choice

This train of thought won't leave me alone.  I keep trying to talk myself out of writing this post, but I can't shake the feeling like I need to share with anyone who wants to listen, so here it is.

As a preface: My five year old sometimes gets very frustrated when presented with a scenario he's not happy about.  For example, he's been known to begin having a fit when I make dinner and he doesn't like what we're having.  My awesome husband was inspired with an idea to help him realize that he still has choices.  Dad sits down with him and gives him a few options that often go something like this: 1. Not eat dinner and be hungry.  2. Go outside and eat grass for dinner like a bunny.  3. Drink water for dinner.  4. Have a fit in your room and after you're done, come eat dinner.  5. Skip the fit, and come eat dinner with the family.  This has worked like a miracle for our son, and he often realizes the ridiculousness of the other choices, and then makes the choice that is the obvious best one (usually coming to eat dinner.)  This has worked for other things like getting dressed, practicing piano, or other things he doesn't really love or want to do.  He often likes us to give him a total of five choices, because he's five.

Of course, this occasionally drives me crazy, especially if I asked him what he wanted for dinner, and then I got no response, so I just made something.  Then when he complains, I feel like he has NO business stating his opinion, since I tried to ask for it BEFORE it was made.

When I have had to think of five choices to present to him, I've been surprised at the realization that we really do have more choices than we acknowledge.  There are moments when we are confronted with scenarios (such as the death of a child or a loved one) and we feel like we have absolutely no choice, we are trapped and have to deal with whatever situation we are in, like it or not.  We always have some type of choice though.

Years ago, I was very touched when I read the book Man's Search for Meaning, written by Victor Frankl.  In it, he speaks of some of the life lessons he gained from living in and surviving Auschwitz, and things he has put into practice since, as a psychologist.  He points out that even when people were given seemingly no choices at all in a concentration camp--when to sleep, what to wear, what to do, what to eat, they still were able to choose their attitude, whether to share their food with those weaker than them, whether to try to smile or connect with other people, those types of things. 

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”  Victor Frankl

When we learned that our son Gideon wasn't going to live (his organs were not functioning the way they should and he was too tiny and frail to even possibly receive any type of organ transplant) it was incredibly hard information to process.  I still remember the way it felt, and it still hurts when I think about the weight it brought.  Over two years later, it's still hard, we look at his pictures, we see the little prints of his hands and feet that we made while he was with us, and we miss him, and want to know more about who he would have been by now.  We are trying hard, though, to control what we CAN control, our attitude, what we're doing with what we've been given.  We're looking for what we can learn from it, we take more pictures, we hug each other more, we try to appreciate the time we do have here with our family, we try not to sweat the small stuff (hence my house is rarely clean).

As a related aside, in this election cycle for the US president, I feel that many people feel like there are only 2 choices, and many people can't handle the idea of either of the major 2 parties' candidates actually becoming the Commander in Chief.  Some are deciding not to vote, as a way to "voice" their displeasure . I would contest that voting for a 3rd party candidate (or even a write in) would be a better way to tell the Democrats and Republicans that you don't approve of their choices.  To any "naysayers" who don't believe a 3rd party candidate can win, I'd just like to remind them that Abraham Lincoln was a 3rd party candidate.  ALSO if/when a candidate wins and they aren't who you voted for, you still have options.  One can throw a fit (like my 5 year old if I make spaghetti.)  One can choose to leave the country.  One can decide to be respectful.  (Again a reminder that the President does represent our country, whether you personally elected him or not.)  One can pray for the President, and should, whether he's "your" candidate or not.  And if you chose not to vote, don't fuss and whine when someone is elected, since you didn't voice your opinion in the first place, it's certainly not time to start after the fact (just like when my son complains about a dinner I made when he wouldn't give his opinion in the first place.)

Everyone has the ability to choose, every day.  It's a beautiful gift God gave us.  Losing a son has made me step back and look at my life and my choices;  I've asked myself if I'm really living my life the way I want to, because life and time are precious and too short to waste.  It feels good to acknowledge my choices each day, and to feel satisfied and happy with the choices I'm making, about the path that I'm on.  It hurts to miss my little boy, but my life is more rich and full because I have decided that I truly love it and that my choices are what I really want.  I am making a difference in the ways I want to make a difference.  It feels so good, and I highly recommend this to every person: Take a deep breath and be glad that you chose to get out of bed, that you ate healthy, that you read to your kids, that you exercised, that you laughed with someone, that you called your friend--find choices you made that you're happy about and give yourself some credit for making good choices.  And if you didn't make choices you loved today, tomorrow will give you many more opportunities and you can choose--be happy with what you choose.  There's always a choice.