Gold nuggets in Isaiah, and being enough

 Isaiah is intimidating to almost everyone, myself included.  My mother-in-law shared a few of her favorite scriptures from Isaiah over the last few weeks and it helped shift my whole attitude. I realized that instead of just feeling overwhelmed and confused by all that I don't know, I can search for the beautiful nuggets of truth.  The reality of life is that it's kind of like Isaiah--it can be really overwhelming, I don't always see or understand all that is going on, and not everything that is happening is relevant to me at all times, but there are moments of clarity and truth and goodness that stand out and help me.  So I set out to find some beautiful truths, things that spoke to my soul amidst the confusion and all his prophecy and imagery.  Think of it as panning for gold.  And I found a few gold nuggets this week.

In my heart and mind, I have been concerned a lot with the feelings that lie hidden underneath the surface in many people and sometimes end up overwhelming us, especially the feelings where someone feels broken, worthless, or inferior.  A coworker of mine recently committed suicide, it truly shook up so many people, because he seemed like everything was fine.  Besides that, a loss like that is always hard.  I did not know him very well, so I don't know if he had deeper issues with mental health or what was going on in his home life.  But I know that those feelings can lurk under the surface, and sometimes they pull us under.  

With my mind a little more focused in that direction, on what I can do to help those I know and love to realize how special they are so they don't fall victim to their own doubts and struggles, I stumbled across the following scripture and it was a nugget that spoke to my soul. Isaiah 45:9 "Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! ....Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou?..."  When we doubt ourselves, when we question our worth, we are questioning that we were fashioned by master creator who designed so many beautiful and amazing things. As I searched for an additional nugget to back this one up, I found a new favorite, and it's also in Isaiah.  Isaiah 64:8 "But thou, O Lord, art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand."  Isn't that beautiful?  He created us. We are his work, and we are all amazing in our own way.  He knows what He is doing and He didn't make garbage.

I thought about the saying "You are enough" and what it means.  It doesn't mean that what you are right now in this moment is actually enough.  It is also about your past, present, and future.  My granddaughter is enough. She's not even 1 year old yet, not walking, not talking, but she is a delight.  Her ready enthusiasm for music and for fun and for life is contagious.  It does not mean she has arrived at all she will do or become or is capable of.  However, she learns and grows every day.  Her "being enough" is about who she has been and who she is and about who she will be.  Sometimes we get so caught up in where we are in the present that we forget that we still have so much to learn and grow and do, and it's OK if we haven't finished reaching our potential yet.  There is more to life than what we can see, there is far more to understand than what we see on the surface, even about ourselves.  

See these flower arrangments?

They're all different.  They're all beautiful.  They all have deficiencies and they all have strengths.  I created them all with different flowers from my garden. (I LOVE arranging my flowers this time of year.)  And I truly love each creation.  What if my flowers each sat and focused on their deficiencies? What if all they focused on was the bad things about themselves, so much that they stopped feeling good about themselves? My tulips and crocuses (which are now dormant in the ground and not a part of these arrangements at all) would focus on the fact that they only come out in early spring, and for the rest of the year, they sleep under the ground hidden and unknown and unnoticed.  My roses would focus on the fact that they have thorns and so they tangle in hair and clothing and hurt people.  My petunias would lament that they only get to live for one year, and then they die and have to be planted again and start all over.  My dahlias would be frustrated that they either have to die each year or someone has to go to the effort to dig their tuberous roots out and save them for another year's planting. My stems are too short.  My stems are too long.  My color is too boring.  My flowers drop too many seeds.  My flowers don't drop any seeds.  I'm too sensitive.  I'm too sticky. None of them would focus on their colors, their scent, their ability to attract bees and hummingbirds, and definitely none of them would focus on their ability to bring someone else joy.  All of my flowers bring me joy and satisfaction. All these arrangements have different shades, colors, and flowers and many are imperfect but they are part of a creation and they are part of a team of flowers, working together. They won't live forever, but while they live, this creation can bring so much good, so much happiness, some color, life, and vibrancy to the world they are able to be a part of.

Well, you are ALSO part of a team working together.  Whether it is a family team, a coworkers team, a team of people in a church or a class or a crowd, you ARE part of a team.  And yes, you have problems and struggles and things that make you imperfect.  So do all of us, but don't forget that you bring good, happiness, color, life, and vibrancy to the world that YOU are able to be a part of.  Stop worrying about whether you are good enough right now.  You probably aren't.  But being enough isn't just about right now.  It's about your past, your present, and your future.  Plus the entire plan of God is hinged upon the fact that we aren't really good enough and that's why we have a Savior.  So it's OK to not be good enough.  You just remember that there is more to you than what you are right now.  Remember that you are the clay and He is the potter, and He does not create junk.  He created you. YOU ARE ENOUGH because of Him, because of who you are not just now, but in the past and in the future.  And while you do have struggles, you are part of a team and you add value to that team and make it more beautiful, even if you doubt yourself and wonder how.  There is more to you than what you can see right now, and you are enough.

Grandma Bonnie

 Putting into words who my Grandma Bonnie is really isn’t possible. Her own words are probably the biggest testament to who she is and was. My grandpa passed away suddenly on the day before Thanksgiving 20 years ago. In a stolen moment at her home on that Thanksgiving day, the very next day after his passing, I pulled her aside and looked right into her face and asked her if she was doing ok. Her response has guided my life ever since. She said “When I feel like my plate is getting too full, I just ask God to send me a platter.” 

I think in the last 20 years, she’s even gone above and beyond asking God for a platter, asking him for a proverbial cookie sheet and perhaps even a large serving tray to hold all the things that she has going on.  She has taken countless opportunities to help her 12 children, and the generations that came after, showing us all love through our lives.  She tried to attend our special moments: graduations, weddings, recitals, times we spoke, baby blessings, baptisms, and she made each birthday special by calling and sending out a hand written card and a $2 bill.  She always bore her testimony in each one, and she lived her own words.  It is frequent that she reminded me through words like “attend the temple often” “love each other and pray together” or “go to the Lord often in prayer, He loves you”. “Be well and safe.”  Again, her own words are a testament to who she was, as she did all those things herself.  

Everyone who knew her knows how talented she is. She truly has achieved “domestic goddess” status in my opinion, she could sew, clean, cook, bake like a master (REALLY she can bake, she knows how much and what to put in every recipe by simply taking handfuls or cupfuls of ingredients until it looks right.  The amount of pure instinct that drives her baking often drove me crazy as I tried to replicate her recipes with her instructions, because how do you know how much is a “handful of salt” or “enough flour until it looks right”?) I loved seeing and enjoying her beautiful creations including my wedding dress, the tiny white tuxedo that my Gideon was buried in,

and a blessing dress I was able to use for two of my daughters, as well as amazing food and desserts—cookies, candies, and caramels galore over the years.  

Elder Ciro Schmeil said “Jesus Christ is the perfect example of fulfilling the most important commandments. Because He loved God, His Father, He obeyed Him. And because He loved His neighbors, He served them throughout His life. He showed to us that love is not just a feeling, but it is action. Loving through service helps us to achieve our full potential and to become more like our Savior Jesus Christ.” I believe my Grandma Bonnie understood this completely and lived it fully.

She was one of the most selfless people I have ever known, and it seems like no matter how many things she had going on or people she already was helping, she tried to carve extra time out to help someone else if she learned there was a need or something special she wanted them to do. She asked God for a bigger platter and fit it in somehow.  

One of the greatest hopes I have for my life is that I can dedicate my time and energy to good things like she did. I love you Grandma! Thank you for blessing so many lives. 💕