The best gift I ever got for Christmas

Sometimes, my learning journey may teach me something I already know, in a new, deeper way.  The last few years of my life, since Gideon died, have definitely been just that for me.  

The Christmas just after his death, I strongly suspected that I was pregnant again.  I could have taken an early pregnancy test to find out, but I was already fairly certain that God and Gideon had teamed up to send me something that they knew would help bring healing to my heart, and a way for Gideon to send hugs from heaven.  2 days after Christmas, I knew for sure that we were expecting a baby.  She has truly brought so much goodness and love into our home, and we appreciate her so much more after losing a baby.  What a wonderful Christmas present our rainbow baby has been.

My heart still aches to hold my son, the holiday season is still one of the harder times of year because I want my family to all be together during the holidays, and I have yearned to be able to give to my Gideon like I can give to my other children.  I have started crying right in the middle of Christmas shopping, because I wished I could buy presents for him.  The only gifts I can possibly give him now are gifts that can't be bought.

I have thought a lot about these gifts that can't be bought lately: love, devotion, service, quality time, memories, health, family, forgiveness, life.  I have been given a lot of gifts.  Our energetic, hug-and-kiss-filled young daughter has helped us to give those gifts that we wanted to give so badly to the son we lost.  We love sharing these gifts with her, and we love that she shares those same gifts with us.   Last week, I had concluded that she was the best Christmas present I ever got.

Then I took it one step further.  I thought about how much hope, joy, and love this baby has brought into our lives.  And then I pondered the bigger picture; how much hope and love the baby Jesus brought, not only into the life of my family, but of all families and individuals everywhere.  Because of Him, I have ALL the gifts that can't be bought, and I have the ability to share them with others.  Because of Him, my Gideon will be resurrected and I will get to share all these amazing gifts with my son.  Because of Him, forgiveness and mercy are possible, and not only do I get these gifts, but they are offered to ALL people, everywhere. What an awesome gift that is.  It is no wonder that angels sang His praises.  It is no wonder that when the angel declared it to the shepherds, he said that he brought "tidings of great joy".  "Great joy" just isn't strong enough to express how much joy His life made possible.  Death is NOT the end anymore, because of Him.  He knows how to heal ALL our wounds, and He will heal them all one day.  As much as I appreciate the love I feel for my children and my family and the amazing gift that my little daughter has been, Jesus Christ, my Savior, is the best gift that was ever given, because He makes all the other gifts possible.  

Video: Because of Him

Do you see what I see?

When I was young, I thought that the song "Do You Hear What I Hear?" was fun.  I knew it was a Christmas song, but I hadn't listened to it enough to really pay attention: it was talking about sheep, a star, a shepherd hearing angels, and the baby Jesus.  Somehow, I just sang without really thinking about the words, what they meant overall, and particularly what they mean to me.

For the last few days, as I've thought about this song, I have stumbled across a new idea, a new meaning that has touched me deeply, and that I thought I'd share.  What if Jesus was singing this song to me or about me, instead of the other way around?  What if the first verse said THIS instead:

 "Said the Savior to His little lamb 'Do you see what I see?  Way deep down inside little lamb?  Do you see what I see?'"

When he sings "Do you see what I see?" and I know that He can see into every corner of who I am and who I have the potential to be, would I really be able to see myself that way?  What does He see when He looks at me?  If Jesus sang to me "Do you hear what I hear?" after hearing me speak to (or about) others, would I be grateful that He can hear the unspoken things I want to communicate, or would I feel ashamed?  When he says "Do you know what I know?" about what I could achieve, can I really comprehend it, and would I try harder to reach for it if I could?  And when He (the Mighty King) says "Listen to what I say", would I realize that His counsel would help me to become that amazing person He can see?

I think, because He can see our potential and see the desires of our hearts, because He gives us points for trying, that many of us would find that we are far more amazing than we ever give ourselves credit for.  We need to be kinder to ourselves, love ourselves, and embrace our very best selves more often.

I love this song on a whole new level this year.  I hope every time I hear it from now on, I think about what the Savior sees when He sees me.

In case you haven't heard it before, here's a very beautiful version:
Do You Hear What I Hear: by former Celtic women