Love is powerful. Love is kind. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13) God is love, and when we show and share love for others, it brings us closer to Him. I'm so grateful for the love of God in my life, and the way that I've been blessed as others have shown that love to me and my family. As aware as I am of endings, after watching my infant die, I'm also aware that sometimes what feel like endings are really just new beginnings. There is no end to love.
God knows what we need. He loves us, he cares about us, and he cares about our worries. He wants to help us, and He does help us. I have had so many experiences in my life where I have been given an answer to a question through inspiration to look in a certain song or scripture, or through a priesthood blessing, I've received inspiration in answer to many pleas for help, and I've had people who have been inspired to step in when I needed help, and the only one who knew about it was Heavenly Father.
A little background--in the church I belong to, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (also called Mormons or the LDS church), we have local congregations called "wards" which are put together into a larger area called a "stake". Our leaders serve without pay, the stake leaders are called by inspiration through the apostles, and the ward leaders are called by inspiration through the stake leaders. The leaders in my stake changed today--after serving for many years, and I am overwhelmed by gratitude for their help in a particular time of need.
It's hard to lose a child. My heart still hurts, and I find that often my happiest moments with my family are rudely interrupted by a burst of missing the boy who isn't present. I wonder what he'd be doing, what he'd be like, how his laugh would sound.
It's also hard to be the parent of children who have lost a sibling. There is a large dose of reality, a seriousness that is forever a part of their lives. While I can see good things that have come from it, it is a heavy burden for them to carry.
When we were first "blessed" by the burden of Gideon's passing away, we worried about all of our children, but particularly our James. He is a boy who has been "blessed" by his share of trials, with an unusual form of ADHD that manifests as mild autism, and some learning disabilities. He has a unique and sometimes a very serious way of looking at things, and he took Gideon's death very hard. He seemed so sad, and so burdened. He is a tender-hearted boy and he struggled to express his feelings, and to shake off the sadness. We understand that sadness is part of the process, but he seemed VERY shaken up--like his whole world had been rocked violently in a way he couldn't come to terms with. We prayed for all of us, but especially James. Scott and I felt so helpless, we couldn't find the right ways to help him, and we asked for guidance to help him through the hard times. We lacked wisdom, so we asked of God. (James 1:5) We knew that as we asked, we'd receive (Matthew 7:7-8 and 3 Nephi 14:7). We didn't know when or how, and we worried that the grief would crush him.
A day or two after Gideon died, we were contacted by our stake leaders who wanted to come visit with our family and make sure we were alright. When our stake president (whose last name is Love) came in the door, the first person he talked to was our James. It's hard to describe it exactly. When we answered the door and invited them in, we meandered to the family room (downstairs in our split level) except Brother Love stopped right there, sat on the couch near our front door and introduced himself to James. He talked just to James as the rest of us chatted with the other members of the stake presidency downstairs. He had lost a baby brother when he was a boy, and he could relate to James in a way that nobody else had been able to. They talked for a few minutes. I don't know what exactly he said, but I know that it changed James. His discussion with our son was an answer to our prayers. He felt guided to spend extra time with James, and then later to talk to all of our children together about when he lost his baby brother. He told us (as parents) that he knew that we would hurt for a long time, that his mother still hurt and missed her baby she lost, and that he didn't know how that felt, but that he knew how it felt to lose a brother. His expression of faith, his compassion, and his time spent one on one with our (then) 9 year old made a huge difference to all of us, but particularly for James. He was different after that visit.
I asked him about it today, and he told me that it's still hard, and he thinks it's still as sad as it used to be, but somehow he's able to handle it better now than he used to. I'm so grateful to a man (named Love) who was full of love, and willing to listen to and act on inspiration. After that visit I felt very aware of God's love for me, of His love for my family, and that He does answer our prayers. I felt today, as they called the new leaders, that God did call them, and I wholeheartedly support them, but I will miss the leaders who served and who helped us in a time of need. I believe that these newly called leaders are good men who will be able to listen to the promptings of God's spirit, and be able to help others the way that Brother Love helped Heavenly Father to answer ours.
